Halloween Jokes

All the best Halloween jokes and one liners
Perfect for ghoulish Halloween fun!

Halloween is a time for horror and scary fun.



Here are a great selection of neat little jokes for Halloween and brilliant Halloween one liners.

Use them in your Halloween party invitations, Halloween cards and Halloween party decorations

These Halloween jokes are perfect.

Don't forget too if you know any good little Halloween funnies we would love to hear them and add them to these pages.

Witch Jokes
What does a witch ask for in a hotel?
Broom service

What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray

What is a witch's favourite part of a magazine?
The horror-scopes

Did you hear about the identical witch twins?
No on could tell which was witch

What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?
She had to witch-hike home

What subject do witch's kids like doing at school?
Spelling

What does a biker witch ride instead of a motorbike?
A brrr-oomstick

What do you get if you cross a black cat with a lemon?
A sour puss

Monster Jokes

What kind of makeup do lady monsters wear?
Mas-scare-a

What does a monster call people on skateboards?
Meals on wheels

What do you get if you cross a monster with a snowman?
Frostbite

What does a hungry monster call a person in a hammock?
Breakfast in bed

Did you hear about the monster who met a werewolf?
They became beast-friends

Why do monsters paint their toenails red?
So they can hide in cherry trees

Why are monsters big and purple?
Because if they were small and green you'd mistake them for gooseberries

Ghost Jokes
What did the ghost say to his girlfriend?
You look boo-tiful tonight

Why don't ghosts make good liars?
Because you can see right through them

What do ghosts do before they enter a haunted house?
Wipe their sheet

What do ghosts install on their computers?
A scream-saver

What do ghosts need to buy for their haunted houses?
Home-moaners insurance

What do you get if you cross a ghost and Bambi?
Bamboo

What did the big ghost say to the little ghost?
Don't spook until you're spooken to

Where do ghosts go on Saturday nights?
Anywhere they can boo-gie

What is a ghost's favourite game?
Hide and shriek

Is it possible to go into a haunted house without getting scared?
No you don't stand a ghost of a chance

What do ghosts pour over their dinners?
Grave-y

Frankenstein Jokes

What do you call a really clever monster?
Frank-Einstein

I hear Dr Frankenstein is going to marry the Invisible Woman
I don't know what he sees in her

Why did Frankenstien's monster get an upset tummy?
He bolted down his food

Vampire Jokes

What is a vampires favourite celebration?
Fangsgiving

What is Dracula's favourite TV show
Batman

How does a vampire like his hot drinks?
De-coffinated

How do you let a bat into your house?
Install a bat flap

What do you call a bat who makes somersaults in mid-air?
An acro-bat

Why does Count Dracula consider himself a good artist?
Because he likes to draw blood

Did you hear about the vampire who became famous?
He used to get a lot of fang mail

How do vampires ask their friends out for dinner?
Do you want to go out for a bite?

What does a vampire never order in a restaurant?
A stake

Who did Dracula marry?
His girl-fiend

Who did Dracula's brother marry?
His ghoul-friend

What is a vampires favourite fruit?
Neck-terines

What do you get if you cross a vampire with Al Capone?
A fangster

Why are vampires like false teeth?
They only come out at night

What kind of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound

Devil Jokes

Why do demons and ghouls get on with each other?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend

How do Devil parents teach their kids?
With lots of demon-strations

What's the best way to keep devils and demons at bay?
Get plenty of exorcise

Mummy Jokes

Why are mummies great at keeping secrets?
They are good at keeping things under wraps

What music do mummies prefer?
W-rap

Why don't mummies go on holiday?
They're afraid they'll relax and unwind

Skeletons

Why did the skeleton not want to do the parachute jump?
He didn't have the guts

What do French skeletons say when they sit down to dinner?
Bone appetit

Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
He had no body to dance with

What do skeletons order in restaurants?
Spare ribs

How do you make a skeleton laugh?
Tickle his funny bone

And finally 3 more Halloween jokes that we rather liked:

What do little birds say on Halloween?
Twick or tweet

Why are there fences around graveyards and cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in

What do you call a troll with a broken leg?
A hoblin goblin

Send us your Halloween Jokes

Do you know any good Halloween Jokes?
Tell them to us
We will include all the best on these pages

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